Did I smile today?


I didn’t. Not even one of my obligatory fake smiles. Nothing. I can’t say I’ve ever had this happen. Even on my worst day.

Days like this make me afraid.

See, my life is in a state of huge transitions. Things around me are changing and I feel like I’m watching it from the outside of a snow globe. Helpless. I can only watch.

I wade through my muddy sadness and try to grab an ounce of gratitude. Even in my darkest moments, I know there are people who love me in spite of my many flaws. There are humans on this planet that want to see me feel better.

I’m a huge mess today. I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Yet, there are people who love me anyway. I don’t have to prove that I’m worth loving. They just love me in my natural, damaged state. They may not understand me but they just choose to love me.

Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. -Fred Rogers

This was the first thing I found tonight when I sat down to write. I joke that God gives me little presents when he knows I’m having a tough time. This quote was a present. I am so grateful for the people actively struggling to love me.  It’s easy to love people who do all the right things. But people still choose to love a rusty penny like me. I will continue to be flawed. I will make mistakes, recover, and make more mistakes. That’s the privilege of being human. We get to mess up. Yet, even with my mess up’s, people make effort to love me. It’s no small feat. I’m a challenge to love and they do it anyway.

That’s enough to make me want to try my hardest to love in the same way. To love people where they are, instead of where I want them to be.


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